Dear Anxiety, You Suck.

I´m doing that blogger thing of staring at the blinking cursor and just not knowing where to start with this post. Truth is, this is not the post I wanted to go up today. But this is my little safe space on the internet where I talk about the things that are currently relevant to my life. As of right now, the most relevant thing for me is my anxiety. And it sucks.

I´ve talked about my struggle with anxiety on multiple occasions here now. In the past month I had been doing so good. I was constantly confronting myself with my fears and little by little getting rid of annoying safety behaviors. I managed to drive in a car without chewing gum, slept without a plastic bag next to my bed, and took walks and went grocery shopping without any safety behaviors. I went shopping with friends, ate "unsafe" foods even when we had to drive back home, and went to the cinema multiple times. All of this might seem ridiculous to you but anxiety really is not a logical thing.

On Friday the worst thing happened, my anxiety took me hostage and hasn´t let me go so far. I don´t want to go into detail about everything that happened but a lot of different things triggered my different anxieties. I said in my post about the thoughts that my anxiety causes daily that it´s just a tiring disease. So imagine how drained I´m feeling right now. I have no creative energy left and all I constantly want to do is curl up in my bed and forget I exist. Or just sleep.


I don´t want this post to be a weird explanation for why there´s no real post today and I don´t want your pity. In the great scheme of things I´m fine and I will get through this. I´ve got through way worse times before and I´ll forget this in no time (or so I hope). So to not make this about my experience, here are my top five reasons why anxiety sucks (as of right now).

1. I can´t do anything without thinking about my anxieties. Is it too much to ask to just go outside without overthinking it again & again &
     again?!

2. It ruins my fun. Yes, I can still have a good time but that´s mostly at home with my family where I feel safe. I just want to feel free again and
     have uninterrupted fun!

3. My whole life evolves around it.

4. Forget planning anything. As soon as there´s something planned more than two days in advance, I´ll be a bundle of anxiety beforehand.

5. But don´t hit me with spontaneity either. I really can´t handle it.

Obviously, anxiety sucks for a ton of other reasons too. These five were almost too easy to come up with. But as I said before, this is something I´m going to get through somehow and if you´re suffering  right now you will too. We´re going to keep on fighting and we will win!



*As of this post going live, I haven´t really had a chance (or the energy) to fully edit it, so I´m super sorry for any typos (I´ll correct them all later!).

4 comments

  1. I have been dealing with this before. Now, I haven't been really anxious, except in social situations. Hope you'll feel better soon.

    http://thewallflowersecrets.com/

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  2. I just hope you'll get through this, but don't pressure yourself to get over it fast. Just take time & do what makes you comfortable! I now feel much much less anxious, but I find my comfort by watching some of my fav films with warm cup of tea! I think it is something we should learn to get over and treat it as if it's not a big deal!
    xx

    Kaylee 🌛ㅣJK's Dawn

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  3. I've been dealing with anxiety for quite some time and it's become such a pain in the ass! I'm hoping to go back to school this September to start studying Counselling, with the hope that one day I can become a Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner - meaning I can work with people who have mild to moderate mental health problems such as depression and anxiety. I want that to be my main route but I won't rule out exploring others x

    www.sheintheknow.co.uk

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  4. It's so inspiring to read this, you're incredible to be able to put it into words so delicately but explain it so well. I completely understand how difficult something like this is, but you've done something amazing by sharing this. I truly truly wish you all the best and I know you won't always feel like this. Stay strong! xx

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