A Day With Anxiety

Riverside with stones, Donau, Ulm
I´ve talked about this quite a lot on Twitter before and mentioned it a few times on this blog as well: I have anxiety disorders. Yep, multiple ones. I know first hand how stupid anxious thoughts can be and how irrational they often get. I´m lucky that I have a very good support system in my family and that my parents try really hard to understand what´s going on in my mind. But it´s hard. It´s so hard for someone to understand these thoughts if you´ve never experienced anything like it. It´s hard to see what it does to your mind. So I picked a day last week and noted down all the thoughts that my anxiety caused over the course of that day. Maybe this´ll help to understand what goes on in the head of someone with anxiety.

Disclaimer: This post might trigger anxious thoughts or anxiety attacks!

A little explanation beforehand. As I said before I have several anxiety disorders. My main one right now is focused on feeling sick and throwing up after a traumatic experience last summer. I´m also somewhat of a hypochondriac. My other anxiety disorders are very specific and therefore don´t affect my everyday life as much. Right now I can manage my life pretty well. I still have a lot of anxious thoughts and sometimes a very bad day but you wouldn´t necessarily suspect anything from looking at my life. Of course, every anxiety is different and these thoughts are very specific to me but I believe you could switch "feeling sick" or "throwing up" and mentions of food with whatever someone is anxious about and get an idea how their thoughts might look.

Morning, 8am 


"Good morning brain. Are we feeling okay today?"

"Come on, this is your normal breakfast. It´s not going to make you feel sick!"

"Do I have to go outside today?!" / "How important is uni really?" / "I´d rather stay home where I feel safe."

"Shit, you want me to come to Uni right now?!" (after spontaneous being called for a meeting)

"Come on, Lisa, you can go outside without doing your relaxation exercise. It´s fine!“ (repeat 100x before leaving my house)


Old leaves hanging on a branch, Dona in the background

At Uni, 11am


"You´ve got this! You did this before. It´s easy!"

"Woops, am I feeling sick?"

"Should I get some food or should I wait? Maybe I´m feeling sick because I´m hungry...?"

"Can I eat this or will it make me feel sick? Nah, I don´t want to risk it."

"I guess it´s just dry bread for lunch then..."

"Please, don´t show any clips of people throwing up!" (during an Eating Disorders Seminar)

"Yes, good. This is a very interesting discussion & that´ll distract me!"


Going Home & Grocery Shopping, 4pm


"I hate queues. How will I get out of here if I do feel sick?“

"I´m getting such a bad headache. Maybe this is a migraine. But what if it´s not? Also what if this migraine gets so bad I have to throw up?"


Evening, 6pm


"See, you survived and it´s all good! You did good today!!"

"Oh, there´s a twitch in my stomach. Time to panic!"

"Ah, see nothing happened. That´s so good & you didn´t completely panic about it!"

"Oh, no. I´m feeling sick again. Guess I´ll only eat some dry bread then."

"No, Lisa, you can do this. You can eat those Tortellini with tomato sauce. They didn´t make you feel sick yesterday!"

"Okay, I´m trying the Tortellini but if I´ll feel sick after a few bites I´m immediately stopping. No need to force them in!"

"See, everything´s good. You were just hungry and that made you feel sick!"

"I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!"

"Will I ever be normal again?"

Splattered ice on muddy ground

Anxiety really is such a tiring disease. It revolves around teaching your mind over and over again that the thing you´re afraid of isn´t something you have to be afraid of. You need to constantly push yourself to get over your fear. But then your mind just focuses on the bad experiences and completely dismisses the good ones. This also causes so much physical reactions in your body which for me make everything worse. It´s such a long and hard way out and there are rarely any patients that completely lose their anxiety after therapy. It´s a disease that´ll stay with you forever but hopefully it´ll go below the threshold where it affects your life. There´s no guarantee though that it won´t ever come up again and you have to be prepared for that as well.

Imagine a Mom that´s afraid of her little boy falling into the pool if he runs around in the garden. No matter how many times nothing happens she´ll always remember that one time he did fall in. So she´ll take precautions. She´ll watch him all the time and put up a fence around the pool. Her fear takes over her whole mind and soon it determines her everyday life. She can´t think about anything else, she can´t go to work and she can´t leave her little boy alone. That´s how trapped a person with anxiety is in their own head.

I really, really hope there´s something you can take away from this post. Whether it´s a better understanding of a person with anxiety or that it´s okay to have a bad day. I just hope you never give up fighting!

8 comments

  1. This is such an amazing post and as someone that suffers with anxiety too, I really do think you're so brave to talk out about it and raise awareness. Anxiety is more than worrying - it's a constant fear of doing even the smallest of things in life.

    Cyber Mermaids | Alternative beauty, fashion and lifestyle blog

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    1. Thank you so much! Exactly, it´s not just worrying about something, it´s so tiring to be scared of the tiniest things. But we´ll get through this somehow!
      xx Lisa

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  2. So courageous of you to post this. I, myself think I have anxiety at times. Sometimes I just fake confidence until I'm comfortable. Some days it's hard to wake up and face the day but listening to music helps my nerves. A good mood in the morning helps me have good mood all day, well, most of the time.

    http://thewallflowersecrets.com

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    1. Thank you so much! Me too. I just try to seem so at ease even though I´m a wreck inside. Sometimes this really helps me!
      xx Lisa

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  3. Love how you've stepped out of your comfort zone and written this post, so lovely for you to open up and talk about such a struggle.

    Parie x
    Class and Glitter

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    1. Thank you so much! Because I´ve been blogging for so long it actually often feels like I´m talking to real friends instead of posting things on the internet for everyone to read, haha. But it´s so important to talk about this!
      xx Lisa

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  4. I love posts that talk about anxiety, because I don't feel as out of place then - I have social anxiety, and it's something I've been dealing with for about four to five years now, really pleased that it's slowly getting better x

    www.sheintheknow.co.uk

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    1. Yay for getting better! I´m sure you will make your way through this, it´s a hard battle that we´re fighting but it´s going to be worth it in the end!
      xx Lisa

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